wow, so it’s been over a year since i last wrote in here. oops. what a year this has been. we’re getting towards the end of it so i suppose i can start reflecting.
the start of this year was a bit of a whirlwind. my dearest friend passed away which was a shock to the system, especially considering that up to that point there had never been any other person in the world where i felt like they were as similar to me as her. we shared so many struggles. so that’s been incredibly hard.
we also got glandular fever only less than a month after finding out and goodness, whatever physical strength i had leftover after the ordeal of that early period of grief was knocked right out again. i’ve never felt so generally unwell for such a long period of time - months of constant tiredness and recurrent swelling.
happily, things got a lot better later in the year. i finally, in the past few months, feel like my body is well again and my social and emotional welfare is recovering too. things are definitely on the up, and i’m very excited for the festivities to come next month, even if it is freezing cold again. this year was full of heatwaves, so i’m definitely glad those are over at least.
i’m really glad to be working on this site again, it’s such a passion project and i’m very glad to be keeping it going. even though a lot within it has changed over the past few years! how has everyone else been this year? is anyone thinking about resolutions for the new year yet?
2022-11-06 11:50· resurrection 🌄
well, well, journal. hello there. it’s been quite the few months. both me and my partner got covid for the first time which really just knocked us for a loop. it’s been about a month or so now and i’m just starting to regain the clarity of mind and body i remember having before it all kicked off. what a condition to be in.
anyway, i’m just starting to readjust to getting the right amount of work done again so it’s been difficult to also pay attention to my smallnet bits. sorry! but here i am, fresh start, it’s marzka resurrected.
i’ve been playing a ton of world of warcraft recently, excited for the dragonflight update. it seems all my energy for playing games has funnelled into there ever since path of exile went down the proverbial 🚽 so that’s neat. i’ve been getting into roleplaying servers there and it’s been such an interesting experience - genuinely a really neat way of exploring the lore of the universe and everything by placing yourself into it. you definitely do see some weird stuff though when you jump into that world. there are some things my eyes will never be able to unsee. my poor eyes.
i hope anyone and everyone who reads this is doing well. maybe resurrection is a common thread running through us all at the moment. or maybe not. wherever you are, i hope you know you’re not alone there anyway. a dear friend of mine pulled two runes just this past week and their whispers were warm and cosy. so that’s good. because it’s really cold.
2022-08-26 09:45· realignment 🪐
so last i wrote in here i was going to play path of exile with my partner and it didn’t quite work out. the league ended up very badly communicated and there were some changes that made it so we just had to give up the game for this league, which was really hard. it’s been our way of connecting for a few years now, so it was quite a slap to have it suddenly not there after we were anticipating this league for so long and so excited.
we’re going to try out playing diablo iii today though to see how that is, so realigning to putting my excitement into that might work out and i hope it does. i love just getting to spend the time with my partner at the end of the day so i’m glad we managed to find something else to do together to spend the week.
i offered to hréðe this morning, sort of the first time i’ve done it properly. i think it went well so i’m happy to explore where that goes.
2022-08-18 14:33· lake of kalandra 🕹️
tomorrow is the start of the lake of kalandra league of path of exile and i’m quite excited. it’s one of the things me and my wife play together and we do it every league, so it becomes one of our favourite times in the calendar.
as per tradition, i’ll be playing an aurabot (meaning i just make big swirly patterns around myself that give my wife all the extra boosts and boons she needs to go mashing and smashing!)
i really just can’t wait. i’ve got some time off work and we’ll be able to really say goodbye to the very stressful period we had a couple weeks back. everything’s really looking up. 🥰
2022-08-07 10:58· bloom 🌸
after one of the most stressful periods i’ve felt this year, i’ve been struck with a sudden sense of realignment. now piecing myself together again, it seems i’ve reformed in some ways stronger than before and finally admitted to myself after some terrible experiences with controlling people in my life years ago that i may feel and believe as i truly do and not as i am wished to.
to myself and to those who share my life i have admitted my path and my feelings and my thoughts and my beliefs, those which fall into the realms of heathenism and of magic and of nature herself.
what peace that comes from the blossoming of flowers after a flash-frozen winter.
2022-07-22 17:50· nostalgia 🤩
i found this wordpress site today which catalogues the history of all the uk woolworths stores before the big 2008 woolworths financial disaster where they all closed.
aside from just being a fun kind of thing to find as a nerd, it gave me big nostalgia to see pictures of the old woolworths store that i knew and recognised. pretty neat.
other than that i’ve still been tired but i think better for knowing that i might just be a little bit ill. i feel like once you know why you feel a way, sometimes it takes a bit of that weight off your shoulders y’know? like you’re allowed to feel a little stinky then.
i added a help page to my site today which was neat and a fun exercise. i’m excited to work on more and more content even though it feels like i already have so many pages at this point haha.
2022-07-20 13:09· stretched 😪
after the heat and illness i think i’m still having a little bit of trouble getting back into a good rhythm with work, even with a gentle push from meds. i wonder sometimes if being at this point is something cyclical as it’s very familiar but spaced out. it’s low, despairing and feels like it will never end but it always seems to, as unbelievable as that is to me right now.
on top of it, we seem to have flies out of nowhere in the flat which is a pain. i’ll need to figure out some ways to get rid of them once i’ve put enough energy into work.
the world is still turning and morphing outside, still beautiful. i love the world, i just sometimes wish i could live in it and not outside it. tomorrow will be better.
2022-07-18 18:25· hot, hot, hot 🌶️
hey, moon. it’s been a while. we’re currently in the middle of our big heatwave here and it’s definitely feeling pretty hot. but i think i’m more or less managing to keep cool, it’s just making me so tired! i literally just woke up from an accidental nap.
after seeing it a lot on status.cafe i’ve been getting the desire to learn japanese again after a very long time (i’ve not been actively learning it since i was probably about 15!) so i’m wondering whether to give into that desire or not.
if i do give in and get back into it, maybe i’ll even start a bigger post in my sun journal about it. i’ve been meaning to do a more zoomed in look at my language learning process on this site one day, so who knows…
2022-07-15 20:30· rest and digest 🔮
it’s been a much lower day today, with not much doing. and that never feels great. but i at least managed to get my thoughts about the status.cafe emoji widget down on the forum over there. so i’ll count that as something.
generally though feeling a bit low. maybe waning again after such a powerful moon. maybe that’s just what’s to be woven in my wyrd right now. who knows. all i know is i’m going to watch a ton of comfort tv (natgeo documentaries)
2022-07-14 10:44· owl house 🦉
me and my partner finally reached the end of the second season of the owl house and wow. it was amazing as expected but it did not feel like an ending, there are more questions now than i had at the start? absolutely need season three to come out.
other than that though, yesterday was a nice day and i hope today is the same. i feel like i’m getting energy back again after being ill for so long.
2022-07-13· hello, moon 🌙
so i’d been churning inside fretting about what direction to take my journal in and i never thought to just have two different journals. now here i am.
i named this sweeter, more intimate journal the moon journal after my most treasured celestial body.
i like to think that the moon hears every secret whisper and every obscure thought. she is comfort and familiarity, a refuge from the searing dominance of the sun.
so let’s see how this little journal goes. my shrine to her, our moon, with my flittering thoughts as quaint offerings.